ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
Randomize
