No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
Randomize
