Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize
