To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
Randomize
