apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
Randomize
