Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
