Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
Randomize
