Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
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