Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
Randomize
