I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
Randomize
