covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
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