I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
Randomize
