Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
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