We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
Randomize
