I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
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