he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Randomize
