I see my mary-anne walkin' awa-y-y! Bow Nahw now new, ne ne ne ne ne, ne ne nehw, ne ne new new Nah dan ah bwawn-now, ba bwan'll buh dada bwiddly doo.
That was supposed to be me air guitaring the solo from More than A Feeling
yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
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