Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
Its only 8 and she is already passed out
Perfect here is wht u do. Gently slip your index middle and ring finger into her butt hole but gently u dont wnt to wake her..let me know when ur ready for step 2
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
Randomize
