This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
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