He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
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