Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
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