pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
