She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
Randomize