If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
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