Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
Randomize
