Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
Randomize
