Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
