I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
Randomize
