I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
