tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
Randomize
