suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
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