brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
