Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
Randomize
