Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
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