Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
Randomize
