Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
Randomize
