I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
Drunk is not a location!
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
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