My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
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