i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
Randomize
