Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Randomize
