He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
Randomize
