is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Randomize
