I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
Randomize
