it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
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