That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
Positive reviews on angieslist?
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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