She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Randomize
