it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
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