i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Randomize
