Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Randomize
