HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Randomize
