A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
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