So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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