I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
Randomize
