sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Randomize
