a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
Randomize
